My husband and I are having some kind of marriage crisis.
We have been argueing for....well for ages really.
I am extremerly hard to live with I must admit, I have a very quick temper and when annoyed I can be a really nasty bitch. I fly of the handle at the slightest things lately.
I have an amazing husband who cooks,cleans and looks after the children, He is gorgeously sexy, strong yet compassionate, he is everything you could want in a man and I treat him like crap! Yes I'm a complete fucking bitch!
Why? I don't know....
I'm not very good at emotional stuff, I learnt from a very early age that emotions should be hidden, feelings shouldn't be talked about and hugs and kisses are unnecessary and most of all uncomfortable.
Saying sorry is a sign of weakness and defence is the best offence...
I know that's all bullshit but those are the lessons I learnt from my mother and from my abusive childhood.
I am a very negative person, I see the negative side of everything, If I see something positive I view it with deep sceptisism and paranoia...
I have a lot to be happy for, I have 4 gorgeous children, a wonderful husband, a nice home (although it's a fkin mess atm due to the redecorating we are having done since the ceiling fell down, Thats another story!) I don't have any huge financial worries, I mean we have the usual money worries like most people, but we don't need to worry where the next meal is coming from!
I guess if I had to write down my worries and troubles they would be very trivial and I think many a person would swap theres for mine but still I seem ungrateful and often I think feel sorry for myself when deep down I know I'm very lucky.
I always seem to fuck things up, if something is going right you can guarantee I will come along and ruin it.
Why my husband has stayed with me for so long (8yrs) I don't know.
I have anger issues I'm sure...I'm just such a stress head!
I want to be a nicer person, I want to be a better mother and wife, I also want to be a size 0 but that aint gonna happen either!
